Mass Effect Comic Medical Results
The cosmetic surgery machine in the game actually looks like that. I think it's supposed to be some kind of tray but I prefer to interpret it as the Happy Face-er 2000 skin resurfacing module. Dr.Chakwas' first name is never revealed so I am going to assume it is "Cleopatra". Edit the mass effect wiki accordingly.

Some notes:
  • 32,000 ounces in one short ton
  • 50,000 tons = 1.6 billion ounces
  • In 2008 the price of platinum ranged from $774 to $2,252 per ounce
  • That's $1.2 to $3.6 trillion for 50,000 tons
  • 50,000 tons of platinum could form a solid cube approximately 12.84 meters on a side
  • In 2006 only 239 tons of platinum were sold

Mass Effect Comic 'Medical Results'

Panel 1
Dr.Chakwas: Stop squirming, I'm almost done.
Shepard: Ow! Well it hurts!
Dr.Chakwas: Well if you'd stop squirming it wouldn't hurt so much. There. Good as new.

Panel 2
Shepard: Ah.. Thanks Doc. This machine is ah.. great and all but it doesn't look like it weighs 50,000 tons. Where did all that platinum go?

Panel 3
[Somewhere in the desert, an enormous, solid platinum statue of Dr.Chakwas riding an elephant reads: All Hail Cleopatra Chakwas God-Queen of All Medicine]

Stardust2011-03-03 19:48:57
I still want a silver elephant.
Bloody Mary2011-03-03 20:37:39
Great work as always.
I like the inscription on the statue.
MegaScience2011-03-03 20:40:14
Fuck that, Stardust, I want a Platinum Elephant.
2011-03-03 21:22:27
Huh, didn't know her first name was Cleopatra
2011-03-03 22:11:10
Pure awesome. As always.
MackTheHunter2011-03-03 23:28:34
That healing device... ITS SO HAPPY :D
Guilty Bystander2011-03-04 03:02:33
Your FemShep gets cuter with every strip. Thanks and I hope you keep making these!

Here's another little mistake that machine might be used to fix. (NOT safe for work.)
Eli2011-03-04 04:20:47
This is hilarious and it awesome
SeventhSandwich2011-03-05 01:37:26
@Guilty Bystander
Bloody Mary2011-03-05 07:47:54
I also like how Shepard looks so cute in the second panel.
Guilty Bystander2011-03-05 09:51:14
@Bloody Mary
I like how she looks so cute in the first panel as well.
Though I am surprised the good doctor isn't drawn as milf-a-licious :)

Look down a ways, she has even worse problems than that :(
Bloody Mary2011-03-06 03:18:36
Also, the healing thing looks like a frog.
Amanda2011-03-06 17:33:52
cMauAg2011-03-07 09:11:02
Shepard looks so cute in the first panel
Jetz2011-03-11 17:22:56
I also asked in that comic why Shepard doesn't wear shoes. That floor must feel cold. Would it be worth spending five thousand tons of Element Zero to install a carpet?
Marz2011-03-13 00:02:01
Your Shepard is pretty hot :)
derp2011-03-24 20:35:12
I love your ME comics. <33
brilliant. 2011-05-02 05:44:31
absolutely brilliance
Math2011-06-30 04:51:14
Assume palm trees are 15 feet tall, dimensions of statue formed into a solid shape are approximately 30 ft x 40 ft x 50 ft, so a volume of 60000 ft^3

50000 tons of platinum has a volume of 75927 ft^3 (density is .6583 ton / ft^3)

So, approximately 15927 tons of platinum were (theoretically) put towards the
scar remover, meaning in today's money it cost 802 Billion dollars.
2011-09-27 09:43:14
I just finished thumbing through all of your comics and I've got to say, I definitely enjoyed them. You've got a knack for the sly humor. I'd say it's a combination of one part vixen and one part 5yo girl. This straight/het guy had an excellent time and that wasn't because of all the curves. My only critique is you stick too rigidly to one character silhouette. I get you're going for cheesecake, but there's a lot you can do to vary the characters more while still getting the same effect.
Kachie2011-12-26 05:04:02
When I first read this I loled so hard.... When I read it a second time I still loled so hard...

then I shared it with my room mate and we both loled so hard...

I have a new found love for Dr. Chakwas
dany2012-01-14 17:25:08
Nice,I stil cant stop laughing
Ryan2012-04-20 03:50:08
It is Karen
Gen2012-07-10 16:38:55
I laughed! Though, there is just something I have to point out in the last panel.

That staff is the caduceus, carried by Hermes and symbolising trade and negotiation. The staff you're looking for is the rod of Asklepios, god of medicine and healing, which only has one snake and no wings.
Badspot2012-07-11 23:35:23
>The staff you're looking for is the rod of Asklepios

I'm afraid that may be one of those interesting facts that is lost to history. It doesn't matter which symbol has the correct origin because the caduceus is in widespread use. It's on hospitals and road signs and military patches - everywhere. Google search for "medical symbol" turns up 20 images of the caduceus for every image of the rod of Asklepios. Probably because the caduceus looks way cooler and is a much easier to pronounce than "Asklepios".

Some guy found that commercial organizations were more likely to use the caduceus than professional associations. Since the Chakwas cartel is processing kilotons of platinum, I'd say it falls squarely on the commercial end of the spectrum.
MikeVOnline2013-05-20 07:05:23
Isn't Dr. Chakwas' name Karin?
TolkienGirl0522013-07-24 04:07:10
Haven't seen this one before. Had me on the floor laughing. Awesome!
TalonSteel2014-07-08 23:55:19
Her firt name is Karin :P
Keynon2015-04-27 14:36:08
Fuck the canon name. Cleopatra Chakwas 4 life
Bob2017-05-15 23:16:15
Clearly FemShep got the platinum from mining asteroids, considering the very easy space access and all. ;)
Cleon2022-11-12 11:21:18
Mass Effect uses SI units, so shouldn't it be 50,000 metric tonnes? That's 55,115.566 US short tons.

Also the price of platinum is in Troy Ounces (31.1034768g), not Avoirdupois US ounces (28.349523125g).

Which means 50,000 tonnes is 1.607537 billion troy ounces.

Well 1.6 billion is close enough then!

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